The Spirit Versus the Letter

Raising Kids- Spirit versus the Letter

Raising kids is more than having a list of "dos and don'ts."

It's not running a boot camp.

It's not the ability to recite back facts.

The law condemns, but is necessary. The law shows us that we are sinners, in need of a Saviour.

The spirit gives life. The Spirit helps us overcome. It convicts us when we are wrong, and it enables us to do right.

Walk by the letter of the law only- and we fail.

Walk in the Spirit- we succeed as Christians.

When raising children, the goal is not to raise robots. It's not having a list of rules that they MUST follow, otherwise they get kicked out of the house. It's not condemnation, but rather instruction and wisdom and teaching.

It's not- "Well, compared to so and so, my kid is doing pretty good!" (because they aren't doing a, b, and c.) It's not a comparison game of what sins our kids aren't doing.

Not at all.

It's- How is their spiritual walk? How is their relationship with us? How is their relationship with the Lord? How is their relationship with others? The authorities in their life?

The letter kills. The spirit is life.

It's not a list of sins they are or are not doing. It's the spirit behind their attitude, their actions, their demeanor.

With our kids being pastor's kids, we have determined to raise them not as pastor's kids, but as Christians. We don't tell them- "You don't do a, b, and c, because you're a pastor's kid!" No. We tell them- "You don't do a, b, and c, because you are a Christian." When you tell them the first, it creates an "Us versus them" dichotomy in the church, and also becomes a competition, if you will, among them and their peers. It leads to sneakiness and deceit- because as long as the church members don't know, anything goes, right? It leads to seeing what they can get away with, rather than doing right for the right reasons.

As Mamas, we sense when something is wrong. And sometimes it takes days and maybe weeks to get to the root of the problem, but if you are interested in the spirit rather than the letter, you'll get to the root. It will take hours of talking and communicating. It will be hard. There will be tears. But when you talk and reason with your teen, young adult, or adult, it won't become a power struggle, it will become a teaching moment. You'll see their heart and their desires. As parents, we want our kids to be happy. You'll both come to a place where there isn't compromise, but a middle ground- a solution that both of you are happy with.

Saying that, it doesn't mean that you drop all standards and let your teens and young adults decide what goes on in the home. Not at all.

That's why, from the time they are small, you have rules and standards and guidelines that are there to bring protection and encourage holy living, but aren't over the top or unattainable.

As they grow older, you loosen the reigns and you let them start making decisions- while still holding to the same standards and guidelines you always have.

It's a beautiful thing when you see your adult kids adopt those guidelines and standards for themselves, even when it's not a "rule."

When you see this, you will know that they have accepted the spirit of the Christian life- Loving God, loving his commandments, loving others.

The letter kills.

The spirit gives life, and an abundant, happy life filled with liberty from the bondage of sin.